Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thumper!

Today at the midwife, we heard the baby's heartbeat.

Thumpthump...thumpthump...thumpthump...

Wow.

I cried.

Hubby couldn't stop grinning from ear to ear.

His new nickname for the lil' peanut is "Thumper"

This is really going to happen this time!

Friday, November 18, 2011

Checking in

Hello All,

So sorry for not writing for a couple of weeks.  I have been popping in to read every so often, but have not had time to write a post of my own.  Here is a quick one for an update...

I began school 2 weeks ago, a program for Registered Massage Therapist designation.  In Ontario, Canada we have one of the most intensive and extensive programs in the world.  The schooling requirements are 2200 hours - which translates into 2 years.  About half of that is clinical and half sciences (anatomy, physiology, pathology).  I can't believe how much I have learned in just 2 weeks - its astounding the pace of the program and the amount of information....and apparently it gets even more intense.  I have 1 more week left in this, the orientation 'module' of the program.  I have an exam on all of the info we learned in the 3 weeks of the module and then the next week we begin our first formal 17 week module.

So far I have been doing very well.  Top of my class, in fact.  Out of 4 tests we've had, I've only lost 1.5 marks, which works out to a 96% average.  That is an honours designation and I would be thrilled to keep up that level of achievement throughout the program.

This is why, of course, I have not been writing.  I have, instead, been studying!

Little Peanut is just a couple of days away from 12 weeks!  He/She has been taking it a wee bit easier on me in the last week or so.  I still get nauseous.  I still do vomit here & there.  I still have aversions and have to force myself to eat.....but its just slightly less than it was.  Thank goodness with moderate and consistent food intake I am able to control it fairly well during school.  I've only had to run off to the washroom once!

I have my next midwife appointment next week and I am going to ask for an ultrasound scan.  I spoke with my naturopath about it and she agrees.  I just feel like I'm hanging out here waiting for confirmation that everything is OK.  I've lost 10lbs as opposed to gained.  I can't tell if the bump on my belly is baby or just fat.  I've had no blood tests, no scans....I just feel like its not real anymore (although I certainly am still experiencing symptoms....MS, Sore Breasts, discharge, twinges, etc).  I've also been having scary dreams the last couple of weeks.  I've dreamed that I started spotting, and then started freaking out and screaming and yelling at hubby and hitting him, screaming at him that he doesn't understand what is happening and he has to get me somewhere to make it stop.  I wake up and everything is fine, but still, its upsetting and off putting.  My naturopath agrees that it would probably just give me some peace of mind to have an ultrasound and confirm that all is going as it should be at this stage.  So, I'm looking forward to that.

I think we are going to tell hubby's parents this weekend.  His Aunt is in from the East Coast and she is always fun and positive and lightens the mood with his parents, so we're thinking that telling them when she is here will be good.  Oh, his father will be ecstatic, whether Auntie was here or not.....but his mom is a little strange sometimes.  I'm hoping to get a moment alone with her first just to quickly tell her...."Please, for your son's sake, when he tells you what he is going to tell you....don't react.  Wait a moment.  Think about what  the appropriate reaction would be first.  Then react.".   Honestly, if I don't, I fear the woman will literally say "You're PREGNANT?!?!?!?  EEEEEEEEWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!   OH NOOOOOO!!!!  Well don't expect me to take care of the thing!!!"

My husband tolerates his parents....but if she reacts like that...then that might be the end of it all for their relationship.

That's really about all that is going on right now.  I'll try to write again next week and fill you in on how things went with the in-laws and the scan!  Even if I have not commented, I am reading and thinking of you all wherever you are in your journeys:  with TTC, your pregnancies, raising your little ones, your weight loss, your work/school, your holidays, your families, etc.

xo

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Feeling Better.....Ish.

Apparently I 'm impossible to please.

The last few days I have been feeling a little better.  Tuesday was actually really good.  Yesterday & today are about the same.  I've still had nausea, but not as intense and there are actually times in the day it doesn't really bother me too much.  Also I'm able to eat a few more foods.

So, of course, I'm a bit worried.

According to Dr. Google (BAD ME!!!), MS should begin to subside right around week 12 when the Placenta - my baby's lifeline! - is fully formed.  I'm 9.5 weeks.  That's 2.5 weeks that the placenta has not had to develop!  This does not make me happy.

I know - I'm bitching when I'm sick and now I'm bitching that I'm not as sick.  This is just such a time of uncertainty and worry.  I'm happy and start thinking about plans, and then I freak out and think "I shouldn't get too excited and I shouldn't make plans yet!".  I'm sorry for being such a nutcase...but I really don't know what I'll do if this doesn't work out.

Since I never got to the point with an RE where I was under real care or guidance from them (I was written off at first glance, essentially, and decided to go hippy-dippy natural for a while before pursuing further intervention - and I got very, very lucky), I'm not getting constant check ups and tests.  I feel kind of like I'm floating out here.  I don't even know when I will get my first scan.  And that scan scares me too, because last time I got one at 12.5 weeks and that's when they told me the pregnancy was not viable and I would likely miscarry in a few days and that if I didn't I would have to get a D&C.  I did miscarry a few days later.  It was horrible.

Every time I feel a little (WARNING - this may be a bit graphic!) dampness I go rushing off to the bathroom terrified that I'm going to find pink.  Thank goodness that hasn't been the case.

I know I have not eaten well and I'm not drinking enough water - I just can't.  I can't stomach it or keep it down.  So I worry I am not providing sufficient nutrition to my baby.  My naturopath assures me that all the work I have done over the last year and a half eating super nutritiously and organic and building up my body's health reserves is more than enough for my little olive sized nugget right now.  That if all I can eat are crackers and Popsicles then that's what I need to eat and that's OK.  I'm getting my prenatal vitamin in daily so she says I'm good.

So, I'm just trying to be patient and calm as much as I can be right now.  I'm walking a few nights a week, but mostly getting lots of sleep.  When school starts next week sleep will likely diminish with studying time and work having to be fit in - so I'm trying to get lots of rest now.  And as long as I'm sleeping, I'm not worrying, and I'm not throwing up - so that's all good as far as I am concerned!