I don't know if anyone can help, but I do hope that if you are reading this that you will.
I have been trying to follow a few blogs that I have found, but I can't! There is no option to, no follow button on the blog!
I don't really understand how this all works, I guess.
On a couple I was able to 'subscribe' but then it took me to a Google reader thing and that's where I will apparently see updates. I don't really want that. I want the blog to appear in my 'blogs I follow' list on my dashboard so that I can see when someone has written a new post.
This also concerns me that others can't follow my blog. I clicked on 'what is following' and it gave instructions on how to add a 'follow' button to my blog, by going to the 'layout' tab on the dashboard.....but there is no such tab!
I'm seriously confused! HELP, please!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Dreams
I used to dream vividly and remember my dreams very clearly. I can remember dreams from my childhood and in my younger years I used to have recurring dreams. I haven't had recurring dreams in many years, nor have I had very vivid dreams as frequently as I used to. I haven't dreamed much in the past several years at all, to be honest.
The last 2 nights I have had vivid dreams.
Last night I had a dream that I was sorting mail for our Canadian Postal System. For some background on this, I have been 'floating' in the last couple of years or so trying to decide what career I would like to settle down into. I will post more details of that in another post. At any rate, one of my thoughts was that I might enjoy being a mail carrier. I am a big walker, I don't want to take my work home with me, and they have excellent pay, benefits & pension. At least, they did. I have been doing some vacation coverage for them through the season in order to get a foot in the door. Over the last several weeks there has been a dispute between the union and the corporation over the terms of a new collective agreement so there were strikes and lockouts and all sorts of craziness. The carriers were just ordered back to work by the Canadian Government a couple of days ago. My dream was that I was sorting through the backlog of mail, trying to organize everything for a route that I had never done before. I was buried and innundated, frustrated & crying, seeing no way to dig my way out.
The night prior I dreamed about my Grandmother. She and I were very, very close & I lost her very suddenly to Cancer this past November. My husband and I actually bought the house next door to her. Since Gramma's passing my mother has bought the house, as my father passed away a few months earlier in August and Gramma's house worked better for mom. (its been a very, very difficult year)
I dreamed that my Gramma, my Mother, Hubby or my Sister (not sure which), and myself were hiking in a Grand Canyon-esque landscape. There was a ridge with a shallow step that we climbed down on to. It overlooked a gaping drop. There were small, weak looking trees and branches growing out of the edge of the rock. I grabbed on to one to assess the stability of where we were and it pulled right out of the ground. I told everyone that we had better get off of the ledge as it wasn't safe. We heard some rumbling beneath us & I told everyone to hurry. We climbed up to the safe ground and walked on. I turned around and Gramma was still there on the ledge unable to get up. We rushed back to help her but she said for us to go on that there was no way she could get up. I jumped down and said "no, come on Gramma, this way, you can do this, its easy", and I took her hand and led her down a different path (which miraculously appeared) which was a slow easy grade to safe ground.
I choke up at this. I choke up every time I think of her. I miss her.
The last 2 nights I have had vivid dreams.
Last night I had a dream that I was sorting mail for our Canadian Postal System. For some background on this, I have been 'floating' in the last couple of years or so trying to decide what career I would like to settle down into. I will post more details of that in another post. At any rate, one of my thoughts was that I might enjoy being a mail carrier. I am a big walker, I don't want to take my work home with me, and they have excellent pay, benefits & pension. At least, they did. I have been doing some vacation coverage for them through the season in order to get a foot in the door. Over the last several weeks there has been a dispute between the union and the corporation over the terms of a new collective agreement so there were strikes and lockouts and all sorts of craziness. The carriers were just ordered back to work by the Canadian Government a couple of days ago. My dream was that I was sorting through the backlog of mail, trying to organize everything for a route that I had never done before. I was buried and innundated, frustrated & crying, seeing no way to dig my way out.
The night prior I dreamed about my Grandmother. She and I were very, very close & I lost her very suddenly to Cancer this past November. My husband and I actually bought the house next door to her. Since Gramma's passing my mother has bought the house, as my father passed away a few months earlier in August and Gramma's house worked better for mom. (its been a very, very difficult year)
I dreamed that my Gramma, my Mother, Hubby or my Sister (not sure which), and myself were hiking in a Grand Canyon-esque landscape. There was a ridge with a shallow step that we climbed down on to. It overlooked a gaping drop. There were small, weak looking trees and branches growing out of the edge of the rock. I grabbed on to one to assess the stability of where we were and it pulled right out of the ground. I told everyone that we had better get off of the ledge as it wasn't safe. We heard some rumbling beneath us & I told everyone to hurry. We climbed up to the safe ground and walked on. I turned around and Gramma was still there on the ledge unable to get up. We rushed back to help her but she said for us to go on that there was no way she could get up. I jumped down and said "no, come on Gramma, this way, you can do this, its easy", and I took her hand and led her down a different path (which miraculously appeared) which was a slow easy grade to safe ground.
I choke up at this. I choke up every time I think of her. I miss her.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
AF Excuses
I find that I use AF as an excuse to drop the good habits & indulge myself for a few days.
I had a lovely date with Hubby on Friday night. I really shared with him & he really listened. Life is so busy for us that a couple of weeks can go by and we don't really have time to discuss whats happening in our heads and hearts with each other. It felt REALLY good. It helped, too, that the food was spectacular and the wine was very nice.
Saturday we had to get up and hit the road out of town as we were playing a festival. Lovely place, nice people, sold some CDs. We did our set, stayed like good musicians to support a couple of the acts that followed, mingled a bit, and took off to another town for a close friend of the family 50th wedding anniversary party that we were to play at as well. We had to stop for lunch along the way & had greasy fish & chips at pretty much the only place we could find. I only at half & still felt gross.
The party was nice. We stayed later than we had anticipated. I sat in front of a campfire breathing in smoke for a good hour. That wasn't so fun. I resisted the cake, but had a glass of wine. By the time we got home at 10pm we were starved & got a pizza. More wine with that. Then to bed.
Up at a decent time Sunday & packed a picnic. Rode our bikes along a 20K old rail bed trail from one nearby town to another. Gorgeous day. It was just what my soul needed. Took almost an hour and a half one way. We stopped in a park at the end & ate our egg salad sandwiches, carrots & celery and some nuts & seeds. Then we went down to the main drag of the little town & locked up our bikes & snooped around a bit. Went into a nice cafe which appears to specialize in Fritters, where Hubby ordered a 'banana split fritter'. I resisted & just had a couple of bites of his. It was, as the name suggests, quite good! There was also a chocolate shop on the strip and I HAD to go in. I resisted buying anything, but I did take a little sample of a milk chocolate ladybug they had set out. I am a chocolatier (just for fun, not professionally, but maybe one day I will do it professionally). I took an intensive course & have a certificate & everything - which of course, makes me official. Its a dangerous and expensive hobby!
Got home Sunday afternoon & had a glass of wine on the deck. Ate some leftover pizza and drew a nice warm bath with Epsom salts & essential oils. Read more of "Fully Fertile" while bathing. Soon after this I was serenaded by Hubby's snores coming from the bedroom. It was only 7:30pm! I was feeling sleepy too, though. After my bath I decided it was a good time to try out the whole meditation thing. I got out some pillows to sit on, lit some incense, and put on the instructional CD. The sun was beginning to set so the lighting in the spare room (which will one day SOON be the baby's room) was soft and lovely. I listened softly to the gentle voice on the CD. When the instructional portion was over I continued on listening to the music & just focusing on my breath for who knows how long. It was...lovely. My mind would wander & when I noticed it, I would just calmly bring myself back to 'thinking' only about my breath. Normally I would berate myself & get angry that I'm not doing it right, but I was in such a good place that I cut myself a break on it (as you are supposed to). It felt great. I can definitely see how finding a place for this in my life will help keep me calm & centred (which I am normally NOT!).
I had a wonderful, long deep sleep Sunday night.
Monday morning I got up to see Dr. Jam (my new nickname for wonderful Chiropractor man!). We reviewed all the info he gathered on our previous appointment. WOW! My lower spine is over curved & we need to bring that back a bit. My pelvis is tilted to the left, while my shoulders & neck tilt to the right to compensate. From the top of my shoulders to the base of my skull that section of spine should be gently curved, but mine is poker straight. He said that he'd never seen one so perfectly straight - you could seriously put a level on it! It was totally clear and obvious from the xrays which he showed me. Nerves in that section affect the pituitary & thyroid, while in the lower part of my back & pelvis is obviously reproductive organs. Yes - I am highly blocked. He's going to open me up! Again, the scanny test results were obvious & clear, and I am also quite flat footed, which will impede my response to the adjustments (he will adjust me, I walk around for a few days on flat feet & my body starts to re-compensate again....no progress). So....orthotics it is, as well as adjustments 3x per week for now which will give us two steps forward, one step back in terms of progress. It will be a long haul to 'unjam' me, but whatever the result, I will only glean positive health impacts from this. The first adjustment was a little uncomfortable but I felt marvelous afterwards. My chronically tender lower back had NO PAIN for almost half the day Monday which was amazing to me! In a couple of weeks maybe I'll get to a whole pain free day!
Last night I went to see that Bridesmaids movie at the theatre with my mom, Aunt & cousins, and I had popcorn & tea for supper. Regretted that at 10pm. Hysterical movie though! Got home, finished the bottle of wine, plopped in front of the TV till midnight & went to bed. Not the routine I'm supposed to be following.
Today I'm back on the proverbial horse. Healthy breakfast, vitamins & herbs, healthy packed lunch, yoga after work...Hopefully a relaxing evening with some meditation worked in there.
I feel like I'm moving forward....I just have to control my unhealthy urges more effectively!
I had a lovely date with Hubby on Friday night. I really shared with him & he really listened. Life is so busy for us that a couple of weeks can go by and we don't really have time to discuss whats happening in our heads and hearts with each other. It felt REALLY good. It helped, too, that the food was spectacular and the wine was very nice.
Saturday we had to get up and hit the road out of town as we were playing a festival. Lovely place, nice people, sold some CDs. We did our set, stayed like good musicians to support a couple of the acts that followed, mingled a bit, and took off to another town for a close friend of the family 50th wedding anniversary party that we were to play at as well. We had to stop for lunch along the way & had greasy fish & chips at pretty much the only place we could find. I only at half & still felt gross.
The party was nice. We stayed later than we had anticipated. I sat in front of a campfire breathing in smoke for a good hour. That wasn't so fun. I resisted the cake, but had a glass of wine. By the time we got home at 10pm we were starved & got a pizza. More wine with that. Then to bed.
Up at a decent time Sunday & packed a picnic. Rode our bikes along a 20K old rail bed trail from one nearby town to another. Gorgeous day. It was just what my soul needed. Took almost an hour and a half one way. We stopped in a park at the end & ate our egg salad sandwiches, carrots & celery and some nuts & seeds. Then we went down to the main drag of the little town & locked up our bikes & snooped around a bit. Went into a nice cafe which appears to specialize in Fritters, where Hubby ordered a 'banana split fritter'. I resisted & just had a couple of bites of his. It was, as the name suggests, quite good! There was also a chocolate shop on the strip and I HAD to go in. I resisted buying anything, but I did take a little sample of a milk chocolate ladybug they had set out. I am a chocolatier (just for fun, not professionally, but maybe one day I will do it professionally). I took an intensive course & have a certificate & everything - which of course, makes me official. Its a dangerous and expensive hobby!
Got home Sunday afternoon & had a glass of wine on the deck. Ate some leftover pizza and drew a nice warm bath with Epsom salts & essential oils. Read more of "Fully Fertile" while bathing. Soon after this I was serenaded by Hubby's snores coming from the bedroom. It was only 7:30pm! I was feeling sleepy too, though. After my bath I decided it was a good time to try out the whole meditation thing. I got out some pillows to sit on, lit some incense, and put on the instructional CD. The sun was beginning to set so the lighting in the spare room (which will one day SOON be the baby's room) was soft and lovely. I listened softly to the gentle voice on the CD. When the instructional portion was over I continued on listening to the music & just focusing on my breath for who knows how long. It was...lovely. My mind would wander & when I noticed it, I would just calmly bring myself back to 'thinking' only about my breath. Normally I would berate myself & get angry that I'm not doing it right, but I was in such a good place that I cut myself a break on it (as you are supposed to). It felt great. I can definitely see how finding a place for this in my life will help keep me calm & centred (which I am normally NOT!).
I had a wonderful, long deep sleep Sunday night.
Monday morning I got up to see Dr. Jam (my new nickname for wonderful Chiropractor man!). We reviewed all the info he gathered on our previous appointment. WOW! My lower spine is over curved & we need to bring that back a bit. My pelvis is tilted to the left, while my shoulders & neck tilt to the right to compensate. From the top of my shoulders to the base of my skull that section of spine should be gently curved, but mine is poker straight. He said that he'd never seen one so perfectly straight - you could seriously put a level on it! It was totally clear and obvious from the xrays which he showed me. Nerves in that section affect the pituitary & thyroid, while in the lower part of my back & pelvis is obviously reproductive organs. Yes - I am highly blocked. He's going to open me up! Again, the scanny test results were obvious & clear, and I am also quite flat footed, which will impede my response to the adjustments (he will adjust me, I walk around for a few days on flat feet & my body starts to re-compensate again....no progress). So....orthotics it is, as well as adjustments 3x per week for now which will give us two steps forward, one step back in terms of progress. It will be a long haul to 'unjam' me, but whatever the result, I will only glean positive health impacts from this. The first adjustment was a little uncomfortable but I felt marvelous afterwards. My chronically tender lower back had NO PAIN for almost half the day Monday which was amazing to me! In a couple of weeks maybe I'll get to a whole pain free day!
Last night I went to see that Bridesmaids movie at the theatre with my mom, Aunt & cousins, and I had popcorn & tea for supper. Regretted that at 10pm. Hysterical movie though! Got home, finished the bottle of wine, plopped in front of the TV till midnight & went to bed. Not the routine I'm supposed to be following.
Today I'm back on the proverbial horse. Healthy breakfast, vitamins & herbs, healthy packed lunch, yoga after work...Hopefully a relaxing evening with some meditation worked in there.
I feel like I'm moving forward....I just have to control my unhealthy urges more effectively!
Friday, June 24, 2011
Chiropractor & Other Stuff
Chiropractor
**Now I know why health care providers are given cute nicknames on blogs. It's annoying to write 'chiropractor' or 'naturopath' over and over again! I'll have to come up with some cute nicknames.**
I want to talk about my initial visit with the Chiropractor this morning because it was just so great! First, what a nice man! Young (40s), friendly, compassionate and I think THOROUGH! We talked a lot about Chiropractic care and fertility issues and he was right on track with some of the things I have read in the last week. He asked me a number of questions about the fertility history and understood all that I told him. He and his wife struggled for a little while too, but they got it sorted out through charting & the support of clomid. He asked questions about my physical symptoms and I was able to clearly articulate my current state as well as my history (I've had to dredge through it enough recently - and I'm feeling more in tune with my body....recognizing when I'm feeling a certain way). He seemed to think the story was fairly typical.
He took me into a room and took some x-rays. Then he used these little gun devices with wires attached that went into a laptop. He 'scanned' my spine from top to bottom with these and the laptop display registered areas of misalignment, pressure, compression, etc. The results were incredible! He could have looked at this picture without talking to me and told ME all the concerns that I had just told him! In fact, the laptop brought to surface a few things I had neglected to mention! I was blown away. Yes - my breathing is laboured and heavy. Check. Yes, my foot bothers me from a fall a little over a year ago. Check. And, yes indeedy, my cycles are irregular and I have not been able to conceive! Then he did this foot scan thing which we will talk about next appointment, but I could clearly see from the scan against what is supposed to be 'normal' that we have a lot more to discuss!
Then he lies me down on the table and presses along my pelvis. "You are really jammed up!" he says. "When I push down here it should be springy, but you're really tight." He presses up and down my spine and basically pinpoints all the areas that are sensitive, tender and generally a problem for me.
"I think I can help you" he says. "at the very least I can help move your body back to a place where it is no longer hindering your efforts so dramatically"
I see him again Monday morning. I can't wait!
Blogging
I'm very new to this blogging thing, despite having signed up here over a year ago. I have found several blogs to follow and one that I'm in the process of reading through before I get to any more (Mad Hatter's blog "Late for a Very Important Pregnancy" check it out! I'd put a link if I knew how!). I am working my way through it steadily - a lot of reading, and a lot of information! I am also reading all the comments which provide so much information too. I can't wait to get to know and visit some of the other IF bloggers out there. But I think I may be staring at the screen too much. I'm getting headaches. I don't normally get headaches. Regardless, I am so glad I found this - its a release for me and helps me to feel that I am not alone. But please excuse me in advance (and let me know!) if I make some sort of etiquette faux pas....I'm only just starting to learn!
Fertility Friend
I have signed up on Fertility Friend which I have read so much about thru MH's blog. I have been charting my cycles (if you can call them that) on paper for a year now, but this online resource looks far more dynamic. My ND says that if it works for me and still provides all the info she wants, then it works for her too.
I drank wine last night and had pasta and bread for dinner. I figure I got AF, so what the hell. Plus I was really, really bummed and just wanted to wallow in self pity. Today I feel much better. AF looks good (I'm calling this CD1 as yesterday was really just more spotty) despite having taken a while to come. Plus I am armed with a whole arsenal of weapons in my battle:
-Naturopathic consisting of TCM and Acupuncture
-TCM herbs
-Supplements (Multi, Iron, Thyro-set, CoQ10) - the thyro set is for gentle support, my thyro tests normally
-Chiropractic
-Charting on FF (BBT, CM, other SandS)
-My own documenting of my daily routines and SandS
-Meditation
-Yoga
-Aromatherapy for relaxation
-an AMAZING hubby
-Blogging and finding some more friends out there who know what I'm going through. Looking forward to 'meeting' you and getting to know you all!
Many of these are new - just within the last couple of weeks - thanks for the most part to MH's blog and the comments on it! I will be taking some time now to see how they all fit into my life and schedule. I'm finding there are simply not enough hours in the day, and I'm still getting to bed about an hour later than I'd like to!
But for now, its Friday afternoon. I just spent an hour here at work writing this instead of working. Its almost time to wrap up and go home. I was supposed to go to the gym but cancelled because AF is too heavy (I don't like to work out CD1-3, I get nervous about leaking). Hubby is taking me on a date. Indian Food. A glass of wine. A nice, long, hand held talk over the table, looking into his gentle, caring brown eyes & then a stroll either down the main drag of our small city, or in the park a few blocks from the restaurant. That's the pace I'm longing for tonight. I'm already melting into the thought of it....
~SCS
**Now I know why health care providers are given cute nicknames on blogs. It's annoying to write 'chiropractor' or 'naturopath' over and over again! I'll have to come up with some cute nicknames.**
I want to talk about my initial visit with the Chiropractor this morning because it was just so great! First, what a nice man! Young (40s), friendly, compassionate and I think THOROUGH! We talked a lot about Chiropractic care and fertility issues and he was right on track with some of the things I have read in the last week. He asked me a number of questions about the fertility history and understood all that I told him. He and his wife struggled for a little while too, but they got it sorted out through charting & the support of clomid. He asked questions about my physical symptoms and I was able to clearly articulate my current state as well as my history (I've had to dredge through it enough recently - and I'm feeling more in tune with my body....recognizing when I'm feeling a certain way). He seemed to think the story was fairly typical.
He took me into a room and took some x-rays. Then he used these little gun devices with wires attached that went into a laptop. He 'scanned' my spine from top to bottom with these and the laptop display registered areas of misalignment, pressure, compression, etc. The results were incredible! He could have looked at this picture without talking to me and told ME all the concerns that I had just told him! In fact, the laptop brought to surface a few things I had neglected to mention! I was blown away. Yes - my breathing is laboured and heavy. Check. Yes, my foot bothers me from a fall a little over a year ago. Check. And, yes indeedy, my cycles are irregular and I have not been able to conceive! Then he did this foot scan thing which we will talk about next appointment, but I could clearly see from the scan against what is supposed to be 'normal' that we have a lot more to discuss!
Then he lies me down on the table and presses along my pelvis. "You are really jammed up!" he says. "When I push down here it should be springy, but you're really tight." He presses up and down my spine and basically pinpoints all the areas that are sensitive, tender and generally a problem for me.
"I think I can help you" he says. "at the very least I can help move your body back to a place where it is no longer hindering your efforts so dramatically"
I see him again Monday morning. I can't wait!
Blogging
I'm very new to this blogging thing, despite having signed up here over a year ago. I have found several blogs to follow and one that I'm in the process of reading through before I get to any more (Mad Hatter's blog "Late for a Very Important Pregnancy" check it out! I'd put a link if I knew how!). I am working my way through it steadily - a lot of reading, and a lot of information! I am also reading all the comments which provide so much information too. I can't wait to get to know and visit some of the other IF bloggers out there. But I think I may be staring at the screen too much. I'm getting headaches. I don't normally get headaches. Regardless, I am so glad I found this - its a release for me and helps me to feel that I am not alone. But please excuse me in advance (and let me know!) if I make some sort of etiquette faux pas....I'm only just starting to learn!
Fertility Friend
I have signed up on Fertility Friend which I have read so much about thru MH's blog. I have been charting my cycles (if you can call them that) on paper for a year now, but this online resource looks far more dynamic. My ND says that if it works for me and still provides all the info she wants, then it works for her too.
I drank wine last night and had pasta and bread for dinner. I figure I got AF, so what the hell. Plus I was really, really bummed and just wanted to wallow in self pity. Today I feel much better. AF looks good (I'm calling this CD1 as yesterday was really just more spotty) despite having taken a while to come. Plus I am armed with a whole arsenal of weapons in my battle:
-Naturopathic consisting of TCM and Acupuncture
-TCM herbs
-Supplements (Multi, Iron, Thyro-set, CoQ10) - the thyro set is for gentle support, my thyro tests normally
-Chiropractic
-Charting on FF (BBT, CM, other SandS)
-My own documenting of my daily routines and SandS
-Meditation
-Yoga
-Aromatherapy for relaxation
-an AMAZING hubby
-Blogging and finding some more friends out there who know what I'm going through. Looking forward to 'meeting' you and getting to know you all!
Many of these are new - just within the last couple of weeks - thanks for the most part to MH's blog and the comments on it! I will be taking some time now to see how they all fit into my life and schedule. I'm finding there are simply not enough hours in the day, and I'm still getting to bed about an hour later than I'd like to!
But for now, its Friday afternoon. I just spent an hour here at work writing this instead of working. Its almost time to wrap up and go home. I was supposed to go to the gym but cancelled because AF is too heavy (I don't like to work out CD1-3, I get nervous about leaking). Hubby is taking me on a date. Indian Food. A glass of wine. A nice, long, hand held talk over the table, looking into his gentle, caring brown eyes & then a stroll either down the main drag of our small city, or in the park a few blocks from the restaurant. That's the pace I'm longing for tonight. I'm already melting into the thought of it....
~SCS
Thursday, June 23, 2011
BFN & CD1 All Before 10am.
Wow, what a day. First, yesterday my naturopath provided me with some more PG test strips. Being on CD43 and with the 'two line trick' I explained to her, she suggested I take another first thing this morning. We did acupuncture and she took 'just in case' precautions around my possibly being pregnant.
I woke at 5am to take my BBT as usual. 38.3. Thats lower than normal & a big drop from the past couple of weeks. I hit 'snooze' and took it again about 20 minutes later. 38.8. Thats closer to normal for me. I got up and got my little pee cup & did my thing. BFN. At least this time I didn't trick myself into believing I was pregnant. I kind of just figured it was another crappy cycle.
Off to the gym. Work out my frustrations with my trainer. Felt good.
About an hour ago AF arrived.
Big morning. At least I have new cycle to have hope for.
I did talk to my naturopath about CoQ10 & she agreed it wouldn't hurt and wouldn't interact with anything I'm currently taking. So I'll be picking up some of that today.
I went to the bookstore to look for "The Infertility Cure". They didn't have it, but I got a book called "Fully Fertile" which looks interesting. Particularly its got a lot of fertility Yoga poses which I was looking to find anyway. I also got a beginner meditation book and a meditation CD. I HAVE to calm my mind.
My big challenge is figuring out how to slow my life down so that my body can build itself up rather than deplete itself. Its going to take some time....and there will be people who will be unhappy with it. Thats always hard for me. I am a 'pleaser'.
I get to spend some time with my 3 year old neice tonight. She ALWAYS brings me such overwhelming joy. I'll feel better then.
I woke at 5am to take my BBT as usual. 38.3. Thats lower than normal & a big drop from the past couple of weeks. I hit 'snooze' and took it again about 20 minutes later. 38.8. Thats closer to normal for me. I got up and got my little pee cup & did my thing. BFN. At least this time I didn't trick myself into believing I was pregnant. I kind of just figured it was another crappy cycle.
Off to the gym. Work out my frustrations with my trainer. Felt good.
About an hour ago AF arrived.
Big morning. At least I have new cycle to have hope for.
I did talk to my naturopath about CoQ10 & she agreed it wouldn't hurt and wouldn't interact with anything I'm currently taking. So I'll be picking up some of that today.
I went to the bookstore to look for "The Infertility Cure". They didn't have it, but I got a book called "Fully Fertile" which looks interesting. Particularly its got a lot of fertility Yoga poses which I was looking to find anyway. I also got a beginner meditation book and a meditation CD. I HAVE to calm my mind.
My big challenge is figuring out how to slow my life down so that my body can build itself up rather than deplete itself. Its going to take some time....and there will be people who will be unhappy with it. Thats always hard for me. I am a 'pleaser'.
I get to spend some time with my 3 year old neice tonight. She ALWAYS brings me such overwhelming joy. I'll feel better then.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
CD 43
This is another long one. I had some spotting day 15-17. Maybe that was a light period. If thats the case then I'm technically on CD 29.
I find my breathing to be very heavy lately. I'm sighing a lot. I'm off to my Naturopath to get some accupuncture & I'm armed (not that I have to be with her) with a bunch of new info from reading Mad Hatter's blog & comments others have made. My brain is spinning I've taken in so much new information in the past week.
I'm SO glad I found this IF community on here. It gave me the courage to 'come out' (at least here - not so much in my public life) about my own struggle and has really renewed my interest in blogging too - which I am finding to be a TREMENDOUS relief!
I spent this past weekend in a very blue state. I hadn't had alcohol in a little over a month and I had a few glasses of wine. I ate pasta and cheese and cookies and cake and ice cream. Today I'm back on the horse....nice and clean, vitamins, herbs, BBT, paying attention to how I'm feeling.
I made up a sheet for myself to fill in every day (I function so well with a process). I date it and record the time. It reminds me to take my herbs & vitamins, to do the castor oil pack, to document what I eat, to check my tongue, to listen to my body for things it might be telling me. I'm thinking its going to give me a lot of information after a few weeks. My memory isn't so my naturopath will ask me a specific question and I haven't a clue. "have you been feeling warm lately?" Ummm....I don't know! So, I will write down if I'm feeling warm, cold, tired, what my CM is like, etc etc etc. The more info we have the stronger we are in this battle!
I intend to win.
I find my breathing to be very heavy lately. I'm sighing a lot. I'm off to my Naturopath to get some accupuncture & I'm armed (not that I have to be with her) with a bunch of new info from reading Mad Hatter's blog & comments others have made. My brain is spinning I've taken in so much new information in the past week.
I'm SO glad I found this IF community on here. It gave me the courage to 'come out' (at least here - not so much in my public life) about my own struggle and has really renewed my interest in blogging too - which I am finding to be a TREMENDOUS relief!
I spent this past weekend in a very blue state. I hadn't had alcohol in a little over a month and I had a few glasses of wine. I ate pasta and cheese and cookies and cake and ice cream. Today I'm back on the horse....nice and clean, vitamins, herbs, BBT, paying attention to how I'm feeling.
I made up a sheet for myself to fill in every day (I function so well with a process). I date it and record the time. It reminds me to take my herbs & vitamins, to do the castor oil pack, to document what I eat, to check my tongue, to listen to my body for things it might be telling me. I'm thinking its going to give me a lot of information after a few weeks. My memory isn't so my naturopath will ask me a specific question and I haven't a clue. "have you been feeling warm lately?" Ummm....I don't know! So, I will write down if I'm feeling warm, cold, tired, what my CM is like, etc etc etc. The more info we have the stronger we are in this battle!
I intend to win.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Let's Make a Deal!
I find myself lately trying to make deals to make this happen. This weekend I went to my folks cottage. My husband and I got married there, on the shoreline at sunset. We also had our first holiday there together when we first started dating. We burned sweetgrass in the fire at the shoreline - right where we said our marriage vows 3 years later. (Sweetgrass became the name of our musical duo for a short time after that)
Anyway, there I was, at sunset, watching the water sparkle and listening to the lapping on the rocks...weeping...making a deal with the spot. It's an important spot, right? There is some sort of energy, or magic there. It must have some power to help us. So I beg it....the spot....to help us. I think of the earth, water, air & fire all meeting in this one place & feel like its GOT to be powerful. I promise to do more...all that I can...to strive to preserve the earth & environment in whatever way I can, if it will only help us. I beg my father, who's ashes we sprinkled into that water just last fall...to help us. I begged my grandmother, who we said goodbye to little more than a month later....to wrangle something up there in Heaven for me....(because if anyone up there could do it...she could).
I'd make a deal with my car if I thought it would help. My shampoo. My guitar. My teacup.
I might start trying.
~SCS
Anyway, there I was, at sunset, watching the water sparkle and listening to the lapping on the rocks...weeping...making a deal with the spot. It's an important spot, right? There is some sort of energy, or magic there. It must have some power to help us. So I beg it....the spot....to help us. I think of the earth, water, air & fire all meeting in this one place & feel like its GOT to be powerful. I promise to do more...all that I can...to strive to preserve the earth & environment in whatever way I can, if it will only help us. I beg my father, who's ashes we sprinkled into that water just last fall...to help us. I begged my grandmother, who we said goodbye to little more than a month later....to wrangle something up there in Heaven for me....(because if anyone up there could do it...she could).
I'd make a deal with my car if I thought it would help. My shampoo. My guitar. My teacup.
I might start trying.
~SCS
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